Thursday, October 13, 2011

A gaggle of gapers block

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A Gapers Block is merely a bunch of bored drivers on the way to work or on the way home who just can't take their eyes off of a gruesome tragic accident off on the side of the road. Gapers slow down as they pass an accident to stare, usually when they are in heavy traffic. But even when they are speeding along at 60 MPH, drivers will slow down to see what's what.

Gapers Blocks are the biggest cause of traffic jams in Chicago.

In the suburbs, we have some Gapers Block traffic jams. But, more often than not, traffic jams are caused by a Gaggle Block.

Yes, a Gaggle Block is familiar to most people who live int he suburbs. It refers to a traffic jam caused when the Canadian Geese walk right in to traffic on a main street, without looking both ways, and slowly meander across the street.

It usually involves a Gaggle of Canadian Geese, too.

In many instances, the Canadian Geese eat their own poop. Yes, hard to believe except maybe in this economy, but that's what Geese do. Maybe that's what slows them down.

This morning a Gaggle of a Gaggle of Geese blocked traffic right near my house. Seriously. There were maybe 100 of them all munching on CGE (Canadian Geese excrement). And their muddied mouths made them look like beatniks as they bounced to some internal and strange bongo drum beat from the 1950s.

I always stop when the Geese go Gaggle Block. The idea of killing one of them is offensive. And there should be a law to put motorists away if they run them over intentionally. Some moron in a farmers pickup truck just couldn't wait and raced through the Geese Gaggle, gunning his engine.

I'm sure he thinks Geese are an annoyance in the suburbs, but frankly the real annoyance are people like him who go out and buy these pick-up truck monstrosities and drive them around burning up gasoline as if there were no tomorrow. Maybe no gasoline tomorrow, thanks to them. They're the ones who need a head check, not the excrement eating geese, even if they are from Canada, which mifght explain that nasty habit by the way.

Still, I can live with the Gaggle Blocks but not the pick-up truck drivers. Ten-four good buddy?

-- Ray Hanania

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