Trip to Washington DC and New York on 9-11-08

I flew to Washington DC through New York city to perform standup comedy at the Washington DC Improv Comedy Club on behalf of the Funniest Celebrity Contest (http://www.funniestcelebrity.org/) where politicians like Mike Huckabee, Bob Barr and journalists like CNN's Jamie McIntyre and al-Jazeera's Riz Khan performed comedy. Huckabee won the contest.

Here are some photos of New York City and also the Washington monument:

This first photo is of the shadow of the airplane I was traveling in on the clouds below, encircled by a rainbow. And amazing image and picture:

From NewYorkCity9-11-08

Here is a shot of the Washington monument from Reagan National Airport:

From NewYorkCity9-11-08

Here is a shot of Manhattan and New York City on Sept. 11, 2008, seven years after the al-Qaeda (had nothing to do with Iraq) terrorist attacks:

From NewYorkCity9-11-08

And here is a shot of the Statue of Liberty, which for many generations, had a powerful meaning that has since been cast aside because of anti-minority sentiments in America. It was the first image my mom and dad saw whem my mom came to this country from Bethlehem, Palestine in 1952:

From NewYorkCity9-11-08

Huge explosion - sound -- off 151st Street -- sound like gun fire at 4:30 in the morning

Strange noises in Orland, crime plagues area, CTA tax burden, dumb Daley

Lots of unusual sounds these days out in Orland Park. Last week, it sounded like a train driving through the community in the middle of the night, around 4 AM, from the direction of 159th and LaGrange Road. And this morning, a huge sound like two shot gun blasts in the early morning from the direction of the Orland Park Mall.

Okay. I figure the "train wreck" sound was the construction crews on 159th and LaGrange not giving a "S" about the people sleeping at that time in the morning. And the gun fire from the Orland Mall was probably gun fire. That place has not been very secure these days. Thefts fromt he kids areas. Lots of strangers driving around the neighborhood trying to pick up kids at Jerling High school off 151st Street and, well, you don't see the police out there as much as you used to.

I am sure the police are out there. But it seems they are not.

... So I am sitting at O'Hare Airport and waiting for a flight to Washington DC to perform standup comedy there at the www.FunniestCelebrity.org contest where some of the presidential candidates, staff and congress people hang out when they are not chasing pork. This place is a real dump. Dirty. The rail from the remote lot doesn't work properly, plagued by all kinds of delays, starts and stops.

The airport can't get it's act together either. Here we are on the day before the anniversary of Sept. 11, 2001 and no one stops me? That scares the heck out of me!

Now they are charging people to check their bags. You can hear the low murmur of grumbling from everyone as you walk through the airport. Lousy airline service -- United sucks -- and now they want more money for your bags. ADD IT TO THE TICKET MORONS and pretend you're giving me a deal. Don't pretend you're giving me a deal and then take it back in cash at the check-in counter.

Stupid idiots.

Last night I was at the WJJG studios setting up the streaming for the radio show so people in Jerusalem and Ramallah will be able to hear my show, and call in using GoogleTalk. It should be fun.

And then there was Mayor Daley blaming Gov. Blagojevich for the CTA's problems -- AGAIN! More tax increases not just for the Chicago fools -- er, I mean people. But tax increases for the already over-plagued Stroger-taxed-to-the-hilt suburbanites. We're the ones that have to bail out the lousy CTA.

It's the CHICAGO Transit Authority -- Mayor Daley! It's not the Orland Park transit authority, although that was one of the top suggestions people responding to a survey on this web site suggested. Every time the CTA has a problem, Daley comes whining to the state. Stop your whining, Mayor. It's annoying. Really. You're starting to sound worse than President George W. Bush. Bush doesn't whine. He's not smart enough to whine. He just sounds plane old stupid when he is lying. Do you ever watch how his eyes get closer together the more he lies about Iraq?

Hey, but I did see the Space Station moving across the sky in a Southwesterly direction at 4:30 in the morning ...

-- Ray Hanania
www.TheMediaOasis.com

Suspect tries to lure children at Orland Park school

District 135 put out this notice about an incident that took place on Friday Sept. 5. Parents complained they did not receive an email alert. The district is usually on top of sending out notices to all parents. They may have sent it only to Jerling families.

Police Alert - Beware of Van (Click to go to the Orland
Park Police Headquarters)

The Orland Park Police Department has issued an alert to Orland area families. On Friday, September 5, at approximately 3:15 p.m., a male subject, described as balding or with a shaved head wearing eyeglasses, asked a young female who was walking home from school if she would like some candy. The subject was seated in a white van, unknown make, with tinted windows throughout. He was parked on 88th Ave, just north of 151st Street in Orland Park. When the female stated that she did not want any candy, the subject then left the area northbound on 88th Ave. Anyone who has further information or who has experienced a similar incident contact the Orland Park Police Investigations Division.

Regardless, if you see a suspicious van CALL THE POLICE. Don't take a chance. And if you see a White Van, with tinted windows -- they shouldn't be tinted, that's illegal in Illinois to have the driver and front passenger windows tinted as it is a danger to police -- and the driver is bald, CALL THE POLICE. Take down the license plates. Maybe we can catch this guy and find out what he has been up to. The number is 708-349-4111. r, if it is very suspicious, just call 911.

-- Ray Hanania
http://www.themediaoasis.com/

Suburban Pidgeons huddle in Sept. morning chill

The suburban pigeons -- Love Birds or morning doves -- finally gave birth to two baby birds parked in a hanging flower basket near our garage. The baby birds finally flew the coup and landed on our roof and in the bushes in front of the house where the chill brought the family together. These birds don't last long, preyed upon by the Hawk that hovers around our area and by local alley cats that wander the streets. But these look like they might make it.

-- Ray Hanania

www.TheMediaOasis.com

Fight Humana/Humana One and Blue Cross/Blue Shield Liars

You can fight the robber barons in the healthcare industry. There is a great web site where you can share your story of rejection from the health companies and read the challenges the health industry is causing in our society by visiting this web site and passing it along.

http://www.guaranteedhealthcare.org/node

I will be talking with the organizers on my radio show at WJJG 1530 AM Weekdays Monday-Friday from 8-9:30 AM.

Human One is a scam. They claim to be the best coverage out there but beware. They are LIARS. They will reject you if they do not wish to cover you in violation of the law. And because the state of Illinois is so screwed up under Rod Blagojevich and Mike Madigan, there is nothing you can do except protest and wait to punish them when the laws change as they wille ventually.

Until then, don't sign up for Humana One. It is a scam and you are NOT guaranteed insurance coverage at all. They will exclude even pre-conditions that THEY covered.

Human sucks. And I would let them get away with their lies.

Fight back. Protest against Humana and complain to the legislature.

Ray Hanania
www.TheMediaOasis.com

Daley has big shoes to fill for 2016 Olympics

August 22, 2008 Southwest News-Herald - City & Suburban

Daley Has Big Shoes To Fill for 2016 Olympics

By RAY HANANIA

Mayor Daley was easy to spot in his pink hat at the Beijing Olympics, but I bet he was green with envy at watching the opening ceremonies, wondering to himself how in the heck can he surpass the bar set by China?

Simply put, the opening ceremonies were phenomenal. Even though the impressive image of “giant footprints” formed by fireworks walking across Beijing to the Olympics “Nest” stadium were faked, everything else was unbelievable.

The Chinese Government brought 2008 people to beat drums in an opening count down, with glow-in-the-dark drum sticks, in a ceremony putting all past Super Bowl halftime shows to shame. The programs that followed tapped a Chinese Army of 22,000 additional performers.

The stadium seats 91,000, which was larger than the populations of at least two countries that competed. The “Nest” was wrapped with a huge “TV screen” displaying a stunning array of high definition images.

The center field had a floor that went from graphic animation to three-dimensional formations using blocks replicating ocean waves — not by computer control but through the intricate coordination of individual people who moved each block up and down in precise synchronization.

A Chinese athlete “walked” sideways around the stadium’s screen to light a spectacular and huge Olympic torch.

But all I could think of was what was going through Mayor Daley’s mind as he watched the 90 minute spectacle unfold?

My first thought was that dictatorships like China can tapped forced labor to do what it wants on a whim. It doesn’t need to go hat-in-hand to a legislature to beg for money to cover outrageous opening price tags some placed at $200 million, not including the billion spent on building the Olympic Village.

Chinese dictator “President” Hu Jintao reportedly didn’t like one set of costumes among the 15,000 costumes used, and, three days before the opening ceremony, ordered all new ones with lights that created a synchronized visual masterpiece.

So what might Daley do for the opening of the 2016 Chicago Olympics, if it happens?

Well, for one, the Chicago Machine is not dead, and there are more than 38,000 employees at City Hall who can be tapped at any time to create the worker force Daley needs to make his ideas a reality.

It’s a cinch he’ll have at least 2016 people to start with, just counting ghost-payrollers who never show up for anything at City Hall except their checks.

The performers can wear easy-to-fashion felon stripe uniforms with electronic ankle monitors from the County Jail, with dim amber street lights balanced on their heads that will need to be replaced every 15 minutes.

ComEd can shut electricity throughout Cook County — and blame it on a storm — redirecting it to the Chicago Olympic Stadium, that instead of built to look like a “nest,” can replicate in the finest detail a white envelop stuffed with cash.

What will the 2016 opening drummers use for their opening number? Garbage can lids painted in a glow-in-the-dark street corner blue camera lights tapping to the tune of the themes from “The Godfather” or “Jaws.”

If the stadium crowd doesn’t applaud, Daley can Denver Boot every car in the parking lot. By 2016, you won’t need any parking tickets to get the Boot.

Daley can just order it on a whim.

Oh. I wasn’t talking about Richie Daley being mayor. He’ll retire. The mayor of Chicago in 2016 will probably be his son, Patrick.

All hail Emperor Daley.

end

A Gold Medal Olympic Vacation Competition

August 29, 2008 Southwest News-Herald - City & Suburban

A Gold Medal Olympic Vacation Competition

By RAY HANANIA

The competition for the Gold Medal was Olympic. Not in Beijing, but on the beaches of Punta Cana, where I spent a week researching Cuban cigars and teaching my son the basics of how to survive in the real world.

Every morning, I would get to the beach at 6:30 in a fierce race with teams representing Russia, China, Italy, France and Spain and a field of 130 others. There were only 10 perfect palm tree covered “cabanas” on the beach, and you had to get there early to claim one.

What’s the point of going to a beautiful paradise beach if you are going to schelp in at 11 and plop down on a towel in the sand?

I can report that I’ve won the competition every morning. Boo-rah for the American team! Well, I guess I’m considered about as American as Yao Ming. (OK. He’s an exception, a Chinese-born athlete who plays for the Houston Rockets basketball team. In the Olympics, he plays for China.) Did you ever notice that when mentioning American athletes of certain ethnic and racial backgrounds, they always mention their race but never the ethnicity of “Americans” like Michael Phelps?

Anyway, back to my own Olympic Gold Medal competition in Punta Cana at the Bavara Princess Beach.

There’s an art to securing lounge chairs and a cabana. It’s the same no matter where you go in the Caribbean, except that the world has changed. Dramatically. It used to be that places like this were filled with arrogant and obnoxious American tourists.

Well, that’s changed. Today, the resorts in the Caribbean are filled with Europeans, Russians and Asians enjoying the fact that President Bush screwed up our economy with the stupid Iraq war. (OK, that’s my last political reference. Just kidding.) Our dollar is worth less than a “peso” and I don’t care what Central American country you visit. It buys nothing.

But I wouldn’t let that deter me. I rushed out, research in hand, and made my way in a 3,600-foot dash for the beach. And every morning, beat the Russian by a nose (that’s where being Arab comes in handy, I guess). And the French, the Chinese and the guy with the full body tatoo.

They were right behind me and there was no courtesy “good mornings” or “hellos.” In any language. We were all there for one purpose. Keep our wives from screaming at us when we didn’t get the best spots.

There is an art to saving seats. You reserve them at 6:30 a.m. and don’t get back until around 11 after breakfast so you have a lot of faith that despite the tourists (any ethnicity), they will be there when you return.

You keep the towels from the day before and lay them on the lounge chair, stretched out and tucked in the niche in the back of the head rest and push that down to “lock it in.” 50 Points!

Then, you put a book you’ve either already read and don’t care if it’s stolen, or one no one will touch. I had Chelsea Handler’s book (Chelsea Lately) and made sure the cover faced out every morning. (Actually, Chelsea’s book is hilarious but none of the foreigners could figure out who she was, so it was a safe bet not to get stolen.) 25.35 points.

Then, to play to the sympathy of the crowd, I put my son’s little sand buckets and shovels on the chair. 19.15 points.

Boo-Rah.

This happened every morning like clockwork, and as I said, representing the American team, WE WON. 94.5 points. (If I can add right.)

No one said hi. Mainly because we couldn’t speak anyone else’s language, I think. But still. The first morning I tried and said, “Isn’t it like a vacation? Your wife makes you run out at 6:30 to grab a lounge chair, too?” And the guy walking fast next to me — 25 mph — just grunted with a Spanish accent. That’s when I knew the competition was real.

And all of the men sat out there looking at each other. Until exactly 7:22 a.m. when the tall, blond haired Swedish woman jogged past.

Topless.

Slowly.

Priceless!

end