Little league baseball, moms and not enough apple pie

Little League Baseball, moms and not enough apple pie

By RAY HANANIASouthwest News-Herald Newspaper May 13, 2010

My son is nothing like me when it comes to sports. He loves sports, I don’t.

My parents were too busy working to spend the time needed to walk me through the rigorous schedules of Little League and other sports programs when I was growing up.

And if they did, I’d probably guess I would not have been very good at it any way.

But my son is in a Little League hosted by the Orland Youth Association. I support him and cheer him on. I go to all the practice scrimmages and I go to the games. I’ve even taken him to the batting cages

Although I’ve never been more than an “Easter Sunday” sports fan (ignoring the games until the Super Bowl or the World Series), I’m really in to his performance.

OK, he’s not a “natural” yet — a term I learned from Robert Redford, not sports. But being at the games only reinforces why I stayed away from the sport. I can’t handle sports-politics!

I used to always say that politics is my sport. But after only a few games with my son in Little League, I know sports is the real politics.

I’ve learned a lot, though.

For example, “good eye” is the most popular cheer at a Little League game. That’s what you say after a batter doesn’t swing for a pitch that is a “ball.”

See? I am learning. It’s not all hopeless.

I’ve also learned not to sit next to the moms, who cheer and scream instructions to their sons on the field. “Put your ear muffs on!”

I don’t know how the coaches do it. Sitting there while the moms scream out more instructions than the coaches.

That’s not to berate the moms at all. I admire them. Men are wusses when it comes to kids.

Want to know about sex? Ask mom.

Want to know about baseball? Ask mom, too.

OK. I admit it. Every time my son gets on base, I give him $20. (It goes in his savings account.)

Ever since I offered him the payola, his batting average has shot up dramatically.

That’s what dads know best. Have a problem? Throw money at it. Punish a kid? No way. Give the kid money and ask them not to do it again. It works.

Then there are the stories about elected officials in Orland Park who use their clout to get to pick the best players so they can have the best teams.

I’m looking in to that one, of course. But I’ll wait till the season is over.

It’s all too intense for me, though. I like watching the kids play ball. Why do they have to be under such pressure? Why can’t they have fun and learn teamwork, and the game, of course?

It seems too much for me. As soon as the moms start shouting, I’m down the field near third base watching and taking pictures of my son.

In the end, though, I think the concern of the moms make it all worthwhile for the kids. They’re young. They listen to their moms.

So here’s a toast to the moms. And I’ll bet Babe Ruth’s mom was at many of his first few games yelling at him often.

“Tuck in that shirt, Little Georgie!” (That was the Babe’s real name, George Herman Ruth Jr.)

“Suck in that gut, Junior! Shoulders back, elbow out!”

“You’re not focusing on the ball, George Herman! You want to grow up like your father?”

(Listen to Ray Hanania on WJJG-AM 1530 from 8 to 9:30 a.m. Monday through Thursday. He also may be heard from 7 to 9 a.m. Fridays on www.RadioBaladi.com in the Chicago area, Dearborn, Mich. and Windsor, Ontario. Check out the Web site at www.radiochicagoland.com or call [708] 493-1530.)

An American tragedy: "It's a Whatever-ful Life"

I figured I'd get ahead of the curve and order something I needed before Cyber Monday. That's the Monday after Thanksgiving. Credit Card companies and banks, who control Americans in conjunction with the rejection letters on "pre-existing conditions" by health insurance companies like Humana, are all about them making money, and profit, not about consumer care or servicing the public. So they decided if the retail stores can have a day to promote and drive mindless consumers in America to spend their loot on one day After Thanksgiving -- Black Friday -- then why shouldn't the online industry be able to join int he spoils with their own day, Monday after Thanksgiving. "Cyber Monday."

It's kind of like the Somali pirates getting together and agreeing that one day is for raping and pillaging American ships and another day is set aside for raping and pillaging non-American ships, which are easier targets, of course, but bring in less money.

So I went online to order two Belkin Powerlibe AV boxes. These are the Internet facilitators that you can plug in to any electrical outlet and then plug in to your Internet box to spread the Internet throughout the house without using the unreliable Wi-Fi that comes with Comcast and other providers who brag about all the things they can do, but never deliver. I think that's the Sprint Cell Phone company motto, by the way. Their Palm Pre Cell Phone sucks when it comes to do anything of significance, although they let you pay them for a lot of worthless "games" and a limited assortment of "apps." Tragic company, actually.

The company I chose was Dell Computers. Not because I wanted to. Dell makes cheap and very unreliable computers that don't last more than a year. Keep that in mind if you purchase one. And that policy of they'll fix it for you. They figure most Americans can't afford basic healthcare -- thanks to the robber barrons at Humana Health Care and Human One who are helping to insure that most Americans can't afford basic coverage so they put off exams until it is too late. So they know you won't remember their empty promises, which are offered only to sell something, not to remember once you have made the purchase.

But, the other re-sellers, according to Belkin, a foreign-owned company that knows about as much as I know about the internet, looked kind of cheesy. Hey, I don't want to get ripped off by someone I don't know, right?

Better to be ripped off by someone you do know. And that has a consistent track record of ripping you off. So I ordered the Dell system, two boxes including one with three ports so more than one laptop can connect -- if I can get the Dell Laptops to work properly, which they don't always do.

They promised to deliver in 3 to 5 days. That was before Cyber Monday. Now, they sent me an email saying that I might not get it for another 10 days, on Dec. 9. Nice. But they got their money. Upfront. As they always do. I didn't promise to pay them and then say, oh, by the way, I can't pay for 10 days. I paid them hard cash upfront as they required. Now that they have my money, I and all consumers are at their mercy. And they could care less about quality so why should they care about service?

The last Dell Computer I got came from a client to manage their online work. I told them tow atch out for Dell, but they said, don't worry, Dell has a reputation. What kind of reputation is what I am asking. The day the laptop came, the screen crashed and the monitor lost its light. Oh the computer is running but you just can't see it running on the screen. Nice, I figured. It has a "warranty.' Which means five weeks of service after we ship it at our shipping cost back to Dell and then wait.

So they can say, we'll have it back to you in five weeks. Only to come back and say, we need more time. Meanwhile, we gave them our money upfront, of course.

This tragedy is an American tragedy. A common tragedy. The public gets ripped off all the time and if there is no political benefit for anyone, people like Lisa Madigan, the Illinois Attorney General will not do anything to help the public. She only gets involved if she is guaranteed a headline in a local newspaper. And not just any newspaper. She doesn't care about the community news media. She only cares about the big newspapers like the Chicago Tribune and the Chicago Sun-Times. Why waste your taxpayer funded work time on community media read by the community. Those Sun-Times and Tribune headlines make great campaign brochures when the time comes for them to run for higher office, like Governor. Or Senator, Or who knows, maybe even president.

Because the public has memory lapse issues, thanks to Humana which dumps customers from their coverage all the time because of so-called "pre-existing conditions.' Well, Politicians have pre-existing conditions like criminal behavior and me-first attitudes and no one dumps them from the taxpayer paid payrolls.

SoI guess I have to wait for the extra Belkin Boxes -- I'd buy another brand but that is another issue with the technology manufacturers. None of them want their equipment to work with any other system, so they make them unique so you have to buy their crap instead of some other company's crap when you want to expand your system. nd you complain and they shrug their shoulders, count your money and say, "Whatever."

An American Tragedy. "It's a Whatever-ful Life."

More internet humor about the humorless Bush Administration

Dear Fellow Constituent:


The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and accepting donations.


The Library will include:


1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.


2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.


3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.


4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.


5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.


6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.


7. The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.


8. The Tax Cut Room, with entry only to the wealthy.


9. The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.


10. The Iraq War Room. (After you complete your first visit, they make you go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth visit.)


11. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shooting gallery.


12. The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.


13. The Supreme Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.


14. The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.


15. The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.


Note: The library will feature an electron microscope to help you locate and view the President's accomplishments.


The library will also include many famous Quotations by George W.Bush:


1. 'The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country.'


2. 'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'


3. 'Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.'


4. 'No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine.'


5. 'I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.'


6. 'One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is .. 'to be prepared'.'


7. 'Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.'


8. 'I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.'


9. 'The future will be better tomorrow.'


10. 'We're going to have the best educated American people in the world..'


11. 'One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.' (during an education photo-op)


12. 'Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.'


13. 'We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.'


14. 'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'


15. 'I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.'...George W.Bush to Sam Donaldson


PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!


Sincerely,


Jack Abramoff, Co-Chair
G.W. Bush Library Board of Directors